Hit that publish key already or maybe not.
I have this hang up where I don’t post about my thinking because I’m scared to come across as righteous or that I know things in a definite + certain way. I’m unsure if this is a net positive? I’m (sort of) okay with it but it definitely limits output. Which I’m also (sort of) okay with.
Finished reading: The Adversary by Emmanuel Carrère 📚
Translated from French but still masterful — obviously well written. I can only imagine how the original reads. The subject disgusts me and yet I could not look away. Fantastic and disturbing.
There are times when life doesn’t hand you a complete PDF.
Why is this so funny to me?
From here – because I have to frankenstein 30 pdfs to one big one and why life, why.
The dahlias are still blooming. Maybe a month or so to go before they start to look daggy. It’s started though. Powdery mildew, blown centres, smaller flowers. Days are getting shorter. It’s time to start sweet peas and other hardy plants. I love this feeling of slowing down and starting again. 🌱
🍂 Autumn is here 🍂
Picked while listening to a voice note from E. Felt like she came for a cuppa while I pottered around.
Yarny projects that are not mine 🧶 I’m excited A’s (7yo) finally showing interest.
Took awhile but I’m really pleased with who I follow on Mb at last. I feel clearer and I am learning and also laughing. There’s nice dialogue but not too much that it’s addicting. I like it. It’s a welcome change.
It’s really freeing not knowing who sees this. With no external metrics (followers, likes) to influence what I publish, vulnerability and personal truths are so much more accessible. It’s also very scary!
A bucket of dahlias for a wedding. I’m so grateful I get to share my flowers this way.
I'm not a bad person!
My head really hurts today from some mental exertions and unintentional mobilisation efforts I impulsively started (trying to convince my friends to move from WApp to Signal). I regret some parts with great fervour. Even though I was prepared for the pushback, it still felt horrible and like I was going to die. I’m not being dramatic, it’s merely an expression: I absolutely was not going to die and I knew it then as I know it now. But it felt that way.
All the shoulds have arrived of course. Should have used better words. Should have been more diplomatic. Should have spent more time preparing them. Should not have sounded like a dictator which is another version of should have been diplomatic and open and curious – but I’m going to give it its own word count because why not be extra mean to myself when it’s so fun! (It’s not.)
Anyway the point of my very long intro is: I had a really shitty day yesterday.
I’m writing because I want to highlight this one part of the day where I let the car from Somewhere Rd cut in front of me (– grammar, whatever, I hope that’s clear) and I got a nice little wave in return as he joined the looooong line heading south.
Before I left the house, I received a very grounding voice note from a friend. She basically told me to breathe and how slowly I should do it and it was just so kind and I really believe it’s the reason I found some kindness or common humanity in me, in spite of my very shitty day, to let that one car go before me.
The wave of thanks really meant everything to me. I needed a reminder that imperfect as I am in how I do things, I’m really not a bad person.